I know no one cares, but I need to convey my thoughts somehow. Today has been one of the shittier days in recent memory, I don’t have the energy to get in bed and sleep even. Nothing happened to trigger it too, but sometimes it just hits you like a ton of fucking bricks. None of my friends ever stay up late anymore, so there’s no one to talk to. I cant talk to my girlfriend because she has enough shit to deal with, without me bitching about my shitty problems. She needs me way more right now to help he out. its getting harder and harder to deal with everything going on right now. Its at the point when you just want to break down but can’t do it. I guess its just me being kinda selfish about it all. I cant put undo pressure on her, its impossible. To top it off I now have a suicidal friend on steam that’s talking to me about all of his issues. I can’t turn that down, its just not my style. Sometimes I may act like I don’t give a fuck but I do care deep down somewhere.
Anyway, it might be the fact that I’m writing this all down that’s perking me up a bit, or this cup of tea i just made has made has mellowed me out a bit, but this funk is here till tomorrow. Shit man, that is just the tip of the iceberg I’m not going to list EVERYTHING else that’s going wrong at the same time. I don’t care who sees this, no one is going to care anyway. This is more of a way to let out my feelings without some dumb ass live journal I did that when I was 17 and it sucked.
This is one of those times where I can agree with most everything Jeff Rosenstock has said in multiple songs over the years. I’m glad that there’s someone out there going though the exact same shit I am at the moment. Its encouraging and fun to listen to.
Wednesday Night Drinkball: There’s nothing less cool than feeling exhausted from hours of not doing a damn thing at all.
25!: I can’t talk to my friends because I’m embarrassed that I keep sliding back down. I keep getting depressed.
Stand There Until You’re Sober: Now all my friends rise at eight. They go to sleep before midnight. And I just wanna drink ‘til three, embarrassing myself publicly. And you all used to be just like me. You fuckers used to be just like me.
I didn’t even quote 5 Funerals, Grudge Report, or The Shit That You Hate. But in the end that shit is meaningless. I’m living this semi-introverted life that I’m not even sure is for me anymore. If I could just muster up the energy to keep the job search going, or just get out a few times a week, I feel like things could be way better.
I know I’m leaving shit out but I’m not going to get to all of it. I know many of my friends I don’t talk to as much are going to some rough times too, maybe worse than I am atm. I can’t carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, (as cliche as that fucking sounds). Also, none of my friends even know this tumblr exists, and thats kinda the point. I don’t do it for them, I do it for me. The good thing is that as I type this out at 5:30 AM, I get increasingly tired the more I type so maybe I will be able to sleep tonight.
Good Night. I hope to be back in tip top shape tomorrow to do nothing. Maybe I’ll blog about something dumb that 5 people will see, who the fuck knows? :)
TLDR: Fuck everything.